I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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