I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
