Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
