"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
