Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
