end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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