Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
this is an emotional support booty call
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
