I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
