i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
