I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
