Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You smell like a Billy Joel song
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
