Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize