It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
