I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
