I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
