Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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