I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
