I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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