You just made me feel so damn special
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
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Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize