sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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