She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
