Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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