Do you still have your period?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
