We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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