That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
