What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
