i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
