maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
