The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
