I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
