There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You were trust falling into bushes
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
