dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just gift wrapped bread.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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