for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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