Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
