He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
