I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
