My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
