I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
