READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Houston, we have a blender
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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