3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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