Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
