all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
