picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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