For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
