He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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