I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
