walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
