First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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