a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
