I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dear god my vagina.
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