Well douche your snatch and let's go!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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