of course. lets lasso hookers.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
