I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
