I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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