I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
