did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
