Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
