24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
True strength comes from lack of pants
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
