I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
