3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
