They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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