I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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