I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
