Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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