You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This baby is an asshole
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
