Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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